Guilty Conscience

Clergy schedules can be a nightmare to lay out on paper. We don't have standard "office hours" and we usually work from home. We don't ever clock out, and each week is different than the one before it. Just tonight someone came over to my back door at 8:30 PM wanting financial assistance. It never ends. And because each week is different from the one before it, days off are very difficult to keep with any kind of regularity.

We've been experimenting with taking Saturdays off. One of our kids will begin school this year, and we decided to take Saturday off so that our day off coincides with his day off too. We want to be able to do things together as a family. So far this has worked out well. However, this week there was a conflict. Jeff was going with the youth group on their senior trip. It was on a Saturday and so we decided we'd take Friday off instead. It was all well and good until we passed a church member on Friday. We were on a walk and he was driving by. My first thought was, "What if Joe Parishioner thinks we're slacking off when we should be working?"

Where does that come from?

I remember as a kid my mom would say, "What's wrong? Guilty conscience?" if I ever reacted like that. The truth is, I don't really think I have anything to feel guilty about, but I worry (way too much) about what conclusions other people draw when they observe my actions. There has to be a balance. I need to feel  confident enough in what I do that I don't need to worry about what others are thinking, but I also know there is great value in not giving other people something to talk about.

So, how do you deal with this tension in your own life and ministry?

The Clergy Couple Top 12

Jeff and I are a clergy couple. We've been doing this for 4 years so far, all in the same church in rural America. We share one full-time position, and we co-parent. It sounds neat and tidy, but it really isn't. Many days feel chaotic, draining, and crazy. Many of the struggles we face are common to first-time pastors, many are common to pastors with young kids at home, and many are unique to clergy couples.. For our first blog post, we wanted to share with you the Top 12 indicators that you are, in fact, a clergy couple.

1. If you go into the office to play through worship songs, only to find that your lovely spouse has the list of songs at home. Of course, you only discover this after digging through the piles on your shared desk for an hour.

2. If your kids say they want to go to pastor school so they can work at church too and see Mommy/Daddy.

3. If you sit at the dinner table struggling to come up with something to talk about that didn't happen at church that day.

4. If nearly every "inside joke" revolves around movements of the liturgical service, theological arguments, or a witty remark a seminary professor made years ago.

5. If you have more student loans between the two of you than you'll ever have the money to pay off.

6. If you have one, full-time income, but find yourself needing child care all the time.

7. If you have to try to focus on a meeting after the church service while also watching your kids write on the attendance pads with permanent marker.

8. If you come home hoping to make a pot of coffee only to discover that the coffee has been brewed already (and is almost gone).

9. If you both get extra stressed out around Christmas-time.

10. If you have the opportunity both to use your gifts for ministry AND be able to experience special moments with your children.

11. If suddenly you realize that the church not having a nursery is going to be a problem once your child begins crawling, walking, talking, or becomes otherwise difficult to keep in one place.

12. If you actually get to listen to a sermon in your church given by someone other than you once in a while!